


The untold pressure of perfection

by marvelmedigeekfics



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Character, Superheroes, author is exhausted, idk how to tag, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelmedigeekfics/pseuds/marvelmedigeekfics
Summary: This took me ages to get done, but whew, it’s done! I hope you all are okay, and this brings you a bit of joy or a distraction. Don’t hate me for the inevitable plot holes, if you let me know I can try and fix them. Enjoy!!
Relationships: Natasha Romanov & Original Female Character, Wanda Maximoff & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	The untold pressure of perfection

**Author's Note:**

> This took me ages to get done, but whew, it’s done! I hope you all are okay, and this brings you a bit of joy or a distraction. Don’t hate me for the inevitable plot holes, if you let me know I can try and fix them. Enjoy!!

“Stand up!” The pitch black of her vision slowly recedes to the sight of Mr. Ambrose standing over her. He somehow looks more menacing from this angle. And more like the nightmare of her father that keeps plagueing her every time her eyes close.

“Ms. Langston. Stand up, or you will be suspended.” A wicked glance crosses over her eyes, and if anyone knew anything about her, they’d have ran long before this.

So she stood, and gave Mr. Ambrose the bird as she walked out. “Peace out!” She shoved her hip against the door, and the second it opened she released her pent up power. Electricity crackled through the gym, reverberating off of the rafters and burning holes in the floor. The screaming of her classmates didn’t even reach her ears. She was long gone.

—

“That was 8 months ago. Astrid Langston hasn’t been seen since lighting up her high school gymnasium and causing a power outage lasting over 2 weeks.” Steve Rogers was saying to the group of Avengers seated around the table.

“Until now. Strange power outages have been reported all over the state, with no rhyme or reason.” Tony Stark added, guzzling his 5th cup of coffee.

“So we’re on alert.” Peter Parker chimed in. Though not there in person, he was listening from someone’s balcony.

“Yes.” Natasha Romanoff added, drumming her flawless nails against the table in such a way that made most everyone else uncomfortable.

“Dismissed.” Tony and Steve said at the same time. There was still a bit of tension between the two, which was obvious to everyone in the room.

—

Across town, Peter began swinging again. Something about swinging made everything easier to handle. Physics test? MJ giving him wierd mixed signals? A possible supervillain short circuiting the electricity of NYC? The solution to all three was to just swing and focus on that.

He’d already stopped 3 robberies tonight, and chased 2 muggers down and returned purses to their respective owners. He’d also eaten a hell of a lot of street food. His current favorite was tacos al pastor and there was an amazing stand a few blocks away from where he was now. He was about to get a few more tacos to fend off his hunger, when he saw the crackle of electricity in both the eyes and fingertips of a passerby.

Naturally he fell into step beside her, bopping along to the music emitting from her earbuds. She was not observant at all, and didn’t notice Peter walking a few feet behind her until she tried to shoot a spark into a convienence store. She was so surprised by his presence, her spark veered into a tree.

“I—What...Spid-” Her eyes went wide and her hands began to shake.

“I’m Spider-Man. Who are you?” His voice dropped a little with concern. She looked on the verge of tears, until her eyes switched to venemous.

“Peace out.” She shot upwards, spraying down a shower of sparks, narrowly missing Peter’s suit and laughing maniacally.

Peter immediately webbed to nearby buildings to follow her, barely keeping up with the sound of her laughter, which hadn’t faded in the slightest. She looked down at him and dropped to his level.

“Bye, bye, Spider-Man.” And she zoomed off, leaving him in the dust.

Peter sighed and dialed Mr. Starks number. “Good news. I found Astrid. Bad news: I lost her.”

It’s no surprise that Tony reacts with poise. He calmly informs Peter that he needs to return, and the big guns are taking over searching for Astrid. Based on how long Peter has known Tony, he knows his mentors only priority is to protect him, but being pulled off of the unofficial mission of searching for Astrid is still a bit of a blow to him. 

Natasha begrudgingly takes over, along with Sam. Neither of them does patrol much anymore, but at the insistence of both Steve and Tony, they agreed to search for Astrid. 

And Peter? He can’t get her out of his mind. There’s something vaguely familiar about her, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. And then there was her cockiness. Cockiness irked him in general, but hers seemed a lot less ego related, and more of a front. He’d seen the fear in her eyes when she recognized him, but then again some people are really good actors. 

Peter had returned to Aunt Mays apartment later than he expected, and before going to sleep he told her about Astrid. There was something about her that made Peter ask May to look out for her. Her cockiness was going to get her killed, he was sure of it. 

—

Astrid unwrapped her sandwich as she sat on the roof of a building. She had worked up a massive appetite frying the wiring of a few important businesses. She’d chosen each one mostly blindly, making sure to do the most damage to ones that looked similar to her dads office. She’d thrown lightening through half a dozen law offices, and other 2 through the back windows of churches. 

As far as she was concerned, spite was the only acceptable motivation to do anything. She was determined to spite the two things that had broken her the most. Law offices and church buildings. Most people wouldn’t call what happened to her that bad, other people definitely had gone through worse. Much worse. 

So she simply dealt with her pain by exploding light fixtures and eating sandwiches on top of buildings. It hadn’t failed her yet. 

She tried not to think about Spider-Man. About the way he looked like he cared. But Astrid knew better. People only cared what they could get from you, and as soon as you stopped serving a purpose, you were out like the garbage. But somehow he looked genuine. Generally, genuineness was hard to come by. Maybe Wyoming and New York were different in that respect, but so far it didn’t seem that way. 

She finally finished her sandwich, careful to Lick the sauce Off of her fingers. Unprofessionalism could get you fired in any arena. She was about to fly back to street level when she saw two people walking. The woman gave off assassin air, reflexes quicker than a cats. And the man seemed like he would ask questions and shoot at the same time. Or filet someone in half with his cleverly concealed wings. Astrid had always prided herself On being able to read people flawlessly. It came in handy hiding from people who only wanted to hurt you. 

She watched for a few more seconds, dangling her legs lazily over the edge of the building. And then she decided to mess with the them. A spark flew out of her hands, singeing a patch of grass in front of them. She giggled softly at their bewildered reaction, careful not to attract to much attention. 

Slowly, Astrid upped the frequency of her zaps, expertly sending sparks inches from their suits. Their sensors seemed to miss her, until the mans wings unfurled and he flew towards her. She barely had time to shoot herself off the rooftop. She’d gotten faster in the year she’d had these powers, and if she was any slower she’d be bird seed. She widened the gap between herself and bird man, diving through alleys and floating accross the water. 

“Peace out!” She whooped, spinning around to fly while staring at her adversary. She shot sparks straight onto his metal suit, grinning at the sound of its zings. She won again. 

Sam managed to make it to the ground safely, immediately calling Natasha to pick him up. He was exhausted, and for sure too old for this. Astrid May be just an out of control teenager, but she’d easily bested him and his old man body, which he’d never admit to Nat. She already teased him enough. 

“If she wasn’t a petty criminal, I’d probably adopt her.” Was the first thing Natasha said after she routed to the tower. 

“You probably wouldn’t be able to tame her. That wild streak is probably her entire self. Girl said peace out as I lost her trail.” 

“Anything can be tamed, even you.” 

“Shut up. We have to come up with a new plan to deal with Astrid Langston. Starting with giving her a better name.” 

“How about Astrid, you prick?” Natasha gave him a death stare and punched him hard enough to leave a bruise. 

“Sounds good.” Sam rubbed the spot on his arm gently, blinking back a tear. 

—

A few weeks later, Astrid continued to evade the Avengers. Whether she was that powerful, or just plain good at avoiding getting caught, none of them had managed to get near her. Astrid, continued to be proud of herself, though it was getting old, being chased like a mouse through streets she’d never been down before. 

The guy at the sandwich shop had gotten used to her, not batting an eye at her atrocious silver cape and ragtag boots. He even had her order memorized: pepperoni and pickles. She’d heard her share of hate over it, and it never bothered her, to each their own. She was beginning to like New York. Except for the fact that her electricity shows were not giving her a good reputation on the local news. Of course, Astrid didn’t give a damn. Reputations sucked, and hers didn’t leave a dent in her crusade. 

She’d continued letting sparks rain each night until her heart would let her rest. Sparks always seemed to quell the anger thrumming in her heart until it was a gentle throb. And then she’d eat her sandwich. 

The main thing that she liked about the city, as apposed to Wyoming was the anonymity. She could be Astrid Langston, the girl who exploded lights every night like clockwork, instead of Astrid Langston, the lone fire survivor. In Wyoming more people knew that than her name. Here, she could be anything and everything else. 

After eating her sandwich and watching for Avengers, she’d decided to go home. Home wasn’t much, just an abandoned basement she’d stumbled upon her first night in the city. Just a bed and a phone charger. 

Her normal route home didn’t involve seeing many people. Usually, she would see a few taxis, emergency vehicles, a few people doing things. And every light was on. The light and the sound had kept Astrid up for days getting used to it, but she finally managed to drown it out, maybe taking different measures for the lights that shone through the dipilitated blinds of her quarters. 

But tonight, she’d managed to catch sight of two men behind her, and in the second she turned around, she had a knife to her throat. Her only thought was ‘I deserve this’, not to electrocute them, or fly away. Astrid was never scared, but she was terrified in this moment. Maybe her parents were right and she really was going to go to hell. She shook like a leaf, trying her best to stand up straight. 

“Here!” Astrids voice creaked as she pulled out the wad of cash from her pocket. It was only about 30 bucks, but she hoped it was enough to live. She breathed again when she didn’t have a blade to her throat, only to have it catch as they dragged her to the alley. She wanted to scream, but there was no fight left in her. No voice. No air. 

Her knees met the ground in a harsh slam, and her chest constricted as she was thrown as easily as a sack of potatoes. “We know who you are.” Whoever was speaking was angry. Probably a jilted business owner. Insurance exists for a reason, Astrid though bitterly. 

“You’ll pay for your crimes.” The next one said, drawing a gun from his waistband. Astrid didn’t move, despite her animalistic urge to destroy these men. She couldn’t blame them for anything. It was her fault. 

“I know.” She whispered, regretting saying a word when she felt the butt of a gun connecting with her nose, and sticky blood gushing from her obviously broken nose. It didn’t hurt, but the smell made Astrid almost upchuck her sandwich. It would make for a nasty bile stain for sure. The only mark Astrid Langston would leave on the world was her puke, green juice and grease, bleeding through the trash to mix with the various other liquids on the ground. 

“You deserve to rot in jail. But I think this punishment will serve you better.” 

Astrids side exploded in blinding pain. She fell to the ground, her hands, which had been holding her up, slipping out and her ribs cracking with the impact. She was sure she screamed, though the only thing she could hear was her blood rushing through her veins. 

She going to die. Alone, worthless, and a disappointment to everyone: villains, the state of Wyoming. Her face was covered in blood, in tears, in shame. She could feel the white hot burn of shame erupting accross her face. She didn’t move, her eyes vaguely noticing the sunset. She missed Wyoming sunsets. Her tears stopped flowing and her side stopped buzzing with pain. 

Then she vaguely heard a “shick” sound, coming closer. Louder. Somwine came. Astrid closed her eyes with peace. The flies wouldn’t be the first to find her. 

—

Peter had been simply patrolling when he heard a scream. He was still mad about the whole Astrid thing, because no one trusted him after he let her get away. He wasn’t the only one though. 

Eventually he’d gone back to patrol, watching for Astrid, to get his rematch. He definitely wasn’t expecting to see her this way. Her face was covered in blood, as was her abdomen just above her hip. “EDITH, tell Tony I found Astrid. She’s hurt. Bad.” 

Peter tried to stay calm, pulling from the recesses of his mind to remember first aid. She was breathing, but her eyes were closed. She’d been stabbed by the looks of the gash. Peter had clamped his hand on it to stop the bleeding, relieved when her breathing stopped being so shallow. 

It was an agonizingly long 4 minutes before Tony pulled to a stop. They drove in absolute silence, with Astrids head in Peters lap, and Tony looking on with a mix of pride and absolute bewilderment. 

Peter had almost screamed when he felt a bolt of electricity about zap him in the thigh. 3 times. By the time Astrid was on her way to the Medbay, Peter had run through every possible reason why he’d found Astrid that way, why she kept zapping him in her unconsciousness, and why Tony looked like he was about to snap like a twig from anxiety. 

Both Tony and Peter had hugged briefly and then went their separate ways. “You stink, go shower.” Were Tony’s exact words. Peter grinned and went for a shower, trying his best to shove Astrids grave ness out of his brain. He showered for 45 minutes, and when he came out he felt like a new creature, completely clean. Maybe that was from the scouring the blood off of his hands. Bens blood. Astrids blood. His own blood. 

When Peter got out of the shower, Tony was waiting on the foot of his bed. “May says you can stay here, if you want.” 

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.” 

“Astrid is gonna be okay.” 

“That’s awesome, Mr Stark!” Peter leaned into a vaguely offered hug, making sure to squeeze a little harder. Mr Stark seemed like he needed that. Peter sure did.

—

Everything hurt. Astrid blinked slowly, letting her surroundings come in to focus. She tried not to move, as her abdomen was still on fire. She groaned softly when she noticed who was sitting next to her bed, twiddling a pen and smirking. 

“Hey, Astrid. Remember us?” None other than assassin lady was sitting there, with bird man standing next to her. 

Astrid clamped her mouth shut, and tried to roll over, feeling her wrist catch on the restraint. Of course. She was known as a criminal, so it made sense. She groaned softly again, her eyes beginning to prick. The word idiot kept repeating in her brain, picking at her skull, and making her wince. Only an idiot would have made the mistakes she did.

“I think she does.” Bird man said, once Astrid had closed her eyes. She didn’t even react. The less she talked, the less they’d know. And the less they knew, the greater chance they wouldn’t throw her to the street like a blind puppy. She’d leave on her own accord soon enough, as soon as she got out of these damn handcuffs. And her stab wound had healed enough to not give her constant shooting pain. 

Eventually she fell asleep, leaving Sam and Nat leering over her. “She’s just a kid.” 

“A kid that caused over 2 million in property damage.” Sam replied, crossing his arms with a bit of distaste. 

“A kid that’s all alone in the world, who just got stabbed and left for dead not 12 hours ago.” Natasha shot Sam a look, causing him to throw up his hands in defeat. 

“Maybe she’ll join us.” Sam said hopefully. 

“She might.” 

Tony entered the room just then, looking more disheveled than usual. “Can you two give me a moment?” Both Nat and Sam left quietly, after shooting confused glances at each other. 

“Astrid. I’m sorry.” Tony took her hand, and squeezed it. Astrid squeezes back without opening her eyes. “I hope you can forgive me.” 

With that he walked out of the room, barely missing Astrids tears begin to fall. She was The one who was sorry. For everything.

She didn’t notice who had wiped her tears away a while later, but someone did. Someone was speaking, but their words didn’t meet Astrids ears. Her brain was startlingLy void of thoughts, and none of her senses seemed to work. So she slept, and when she didn’t, she stared. She knew the ceiling intimately soon, every groove and divet imprinted in her mind. Eventually the handcuffs went away. Probably because she hadn’t moved in days. 

— 

Peter kept his distance. Astrid had her own room now, after a week of recovering in the medbay. After being moved there, according to Mr. Stark and a very concerned Natasha, Astrid hadn’t moved or spoke to anyone. Both of them adopted sad expressions whenever they spoke about her. 

Peter would walk by Astrids room, and hear her crying softly. He had to force himself not to jump into. To not try and help. Natasha had said Astrid wanted space and Peter was trying to honor that. Until he heard a faint “please.” So he knocked on her door, softly, and gradually increasing intensity. 

The door freaked open, and Astrid didn’t move as Peter stepped into the room. Her instincts told her his intentions. Hopefully she hadn’t lost her intuition, and he really did have good intentions. Her stomach seemed to turn into a block of cement, and she forced herself to keep her mind in the present.

Peter stooped next to her bed, hoping he wouldn’t freak her out. “Hey.” 

She swallowed thickly. “Hi.” It was hard to hear her own words over the screaming voice in her head saying “abort, abort” over and over again. 

“I’m Peter.” 

“Astrid.” The words felt like knives coming out of her mouth and she was trying so hard not to shut down. Too much. Too soon. Too fast. And she didn’t say another word. She let Peter stare at her, her eyes glazing over and her mind shutting down. She couldn’t even hold a conversation.

Each member of the team visited her over the next week. Peter was a frequent flier, setting bowls of soup on her nightstand at least once a day. Natasha would take the empty bowls, and dropping off bottles of water. Sam and Steve would just sit with her, hoping to make her feel less lonely. Astrid never said a word to any of them, and the only expression she’d convey involved sending sparks when she wanted them to leave. 

The four of them congregated outside her room one morning to discuss Astrids silence. Usually villains would scream and fight and curse, but Astrid didn’t really seem like she was fully there. She ate the soup and drank the water they left for her, but she never said a word. 

She’d heard them talking that morning. About her. She sent her sparks of lightening into the door, sending wood shards in every direction. She was tired of hearing them talk about her, and wonder about her. She hadn’t told them anything about her past. Not about her relationship with Tony, or her volatility. 

So she showed them. 

Immediately all of the gathered Avengers stood at the ready. And Astrid waltzed past them. It was time for her to go back to being herself: starting with electrifying the placid energy in this tower. 

She sent bolts flying down every hallway, freaking out most everyone in them. And she laughed. This felt good. Until she was webbed up. It was fun while it lasted. Once the Avengers had caught up with her, she let them talk. She didn’t listen to them inevitably telling her she was better than this. 

Sparks crackled from her fingers, and the webbing fell in a pile around her feet. And she sprinted to the end of the hallway, throwing open the fire escape and giggling at herself. Maybe they’d nickname her Electric Psycho.

Astrid heard them scream from behind her, their fear obvious. Her heart faced with adrenaline, and as she turned around to wave, she flew.

It felt good to fly again. Good to feel the breeze against her skin and feel her hair whip around her body. She was free. No one to disappoint and no one to pity her.

The address of her old place was still fresh and Astrid turned to autopilot to get her there. Maybe she could’ve stayed at the Avengers Tower. Become a hero, instead of some terrible villain. The thought made her laugh as she touched down outside of her place.

Astrid didn’t expect to see Nat sitting on her bed.

“One, how did you beat me here? Two, how did you know where I would go? And three, why the hell are you here?”

“You weren’t exactly fast. I did my research. And I’m paying it forward, or whatever people say now.”

Astrid just stared at Nat with a cocky smirk, not moving her eyes from Nat’s. Nat didn’t relent in her stare either. They stared at each other for a long time, without either of them talking.

Astrid finally sat down in a the sole chair, and tried to keep her eyes open. But she fell asleep to Nat singing quietly, and didn’t wake up For a few hours. Natasha, being herself, didn’t sleep, and just organized her closed carry knives.

When Astrid woke up, Natasha immediately handed her some food. “Where’d you get this?”

“From your fridge.”

Astrid nodded a bit of thanks and ate the sandwich. Natasha talked while Astrid ate. “I used to be like you. Lost. Alone. I was a weapon. And then there was Barton. He was sent to kill me. He made a different call.”

“If you’re here to kill me, you should have done it while I was asleep.”

“I’m not here to kill you. I’m here to take you back to the tower.”

“And what if I don’t want to?”

“I call the police.”

“Jail sounds better than spending time with egotistical anti heroes.”

“Does it really?”

Astrid shrugged trying hard not to just fly off into nowhere and never be seen again. She’d done it before after all. LAs nice this time of year.

“I know what happened to your parents, Astrid.”

The world seemed to freeze, and then crashed back into place. “What?”

“I know your electricity burned down your house in a fit of rage. I know you traveled here, because your next of kin lives here. And I know him, and he said you never showed up.” 

“Tony.” 

“Yes.” 

“He thinks I never showed up? I did.” 

“So you were the unaccompanied minor.” 

“Guess so.” 

Astrid swallowed the last of her sandwich, and stood up. She didn’t wait for Nat to follow her, instead just flying out the window towards the Avengers Tower. She had to apologize to someone. And then she’d go. 

She got some strange looks as she made her way to Peter’s room. It was late, and chances are he’s either be here, or not in the tower at all. She knocked and Peter immediately pulled open the door. He looked terrible. 

“Astrid. Hey!” 

“I’m sorry, Peter. For being so awful to you, when you were nothing but nice to me. Thanks for that.” 

“Um, yeah, you’re welcome.” 

“I should go before—” 

“ASTRID!” Natasha yelled over the FRIDAYS speakers. 

“That. Sorry!” 

“It’s okay.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Robbery turned murder. Little bit tough.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” 

“There you are.” Natasha poked her head In the door. “Are you having a moment, or can I give Astrid a lecture?” 

Peter threW his hands up in the air in defense, and pulled his shirt on. Astrid groaned. 

“I’m putting you on lockdown.” Natasha whispered, her voice filled with as much intensity as a shout. 

“Can I just go to bed?” Astrid was exhausted, not only from residual soreness, but from the roller coaster of a day it had been. 

“Sure.” Natasha softened slightly. 

So Astrid went to sleep, and woke up without resting a second. When opened the door, Natasha immediately jolted awake. 

“Good morning.” She said, getting up to stare eye level at Astrid. 

“It’s a good morning until I remember I got kicked out of my house for being ace, and then I burned that house down, killing my parents because I have anger issues.” Astrid backtracked into her room and dead bolted the door. She’d never said that out loud before. Usually saying the hard stuff made it easier to handle, but Astrid suddenly felt like the world had imploded and exploded at the same time. 

Astrid leaned against the door, and felt Natasha lean onto the other side. Every time Astrid tried to be better about feelings, she ended up sliding backwards. It was exhausting. 

“Astrid?” A new voice carried under the door frame. “It’s Wanda.” 

Astrid sighed slowly. “Hello.” 

“Can I come in?” 

Astrid unlocked the bolt, and let Wanda into the room. Wanda sat down against the door, and began to talk. Astrid tried to listen to her speak. 

“My parents were killed when I was 10 years old. My brother and I waited for the day when the shells that killed our parents would kill us too.” 

“You didn’t kill your parents like I did.” 

“You didn’t kill your parents. I read the file on their deaths. They went back inside.” 

“I set that fire. On purpose.” 

“You cannot blame yourself for the decisions of others. It wasn’t your fault.” 

“I set that fire.” Tears began to pour down Astrids face. “I’d gotten my powers that night. Struck by lightening. And when I felt that power surge through me, I thought, ‘Finally! I can put my parents through the pain they put me through.’ So I burnt down the house and killed them when they went back for the cat.” 

“I was a part of HYDRA. And I Hurt a lot of people. After I came here, I poured everything into making up for the bad I had done, and the hurt I had caused. I learned nothing could erase the bad. But I still try to somehow make up for it.” 

“If you can’t erase the bad, why do you keep doing good? Why work as an Avenger?” 

“Because I knew how awful I felt about the hurt I had caused, and I didn’t want to go back to that feeling. Also I was tired of hiding from the law.” 

“It’d be nice to show my face.” 

Wanda stood, cracking her knuckles slowly. “You have a choice to make. You can either stay out there in the world and perpetuate how awful you feel. Or you can try to make amends.” With that she walked out, leaving Natasha to keep watch over Astrid.

It took a while for Astrid to wrap her mind around the fact that she could be something more than a terrible home wrecker mutant. But after thinking long and hard about it, she stood up and began her journey to become a little less terrible. 

—-

2 months later 

No one had let Astrid go on any sort of solo mission yet, but today would be her first. She had a hard time not squeaking with delight at the thought of having control over where she went. 

Sometimes she still sent lightening reverberating around rooms, and sometimes her hair would be filled with static and she’d shock anyone she touched. But she was moving on from purposely causing property damage. And that was a start. 

She’d been flying for a year, and even with that freedom, she never felt freer than with her new found family. 

She missed her parents, and had flown to visit them for the first time a few weeks before. Maybe they’d be proud of the good she’d done, maybe not. But Natasha had expressed her pride, and so had Peter and Wanda. Most importantly, Astrid was proud of herself.

**Author's Note:**

> So you made it the end of my longest fic ever. As always, comment if you want! Those always make my day along with kudos and bookmarks. I appreciate you!!


End file.
